Besides being a mom of two girls, learning coach for my oldest, sports and activities through out the week, going to college myself hopefully still graduating next spring🤞🏽Also working as a hairstylist on the weekends not that that doesn’t keep me busy but I am also trying to find myself and have time for myself. I have been starting to draw. I’m not that good by any means but I do find it very relaxing 😌 does anyone else like to draw or color to unwind!!! And I also have my glass of moscato not to far away 😉.
I love going to the beach !!! It is my home away from home I don’t know what it is but when I’m there I have no more pain or anxiety everything completely goes away ! I grew up going to the beach since I was little. We used to camp at the reservation in Salisbury Massachusetts. My mom had such a love for the beach as well and I think she instilled it in me 🥰 this year we are going to try camping there. Mila has been asking to camp for a while now and I told her that’s the only camping I do hahaha. But I don’t think she really understands camping because she freaks out when she sees an ant on the ground or a bee 🐝 flys by hahaha . If we went real camping we would be on our way home real fast !!! This summer I really want to do a lot of activities and adventures with my two peas in a pod !!!! Stay tuned ….
I have posted before that I have anxiety and depression. I always had anxiety my whole life but once real life things started happening like being bullied, losing close family members, my sister leaving me and moving to another state then having children. It really was so much for my brain to understand and process it. It all feels like it came at once. My anxiety gets so bad that I get myself sick and can’t stop throwing up till I can figure out how to get myself out of it . I started getting depressed when I lost my mom and I lost a piece of me that day as well. It’s crazy that I have had anxiety my whole life but it still feels like it’s all new. I don’t even know what to do with it half the time. And I hate that there are little things in life that can trigger it. Then I just get upset with myself because I feel like I’ve been working so hard on my self with my anxiety then it goes away so fast with a trigger.
I started going to therapy after my mom passed cause I new I couldn’t handle all the emotions by myself. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. First thing I have done for myself in a very long time !!! I really have found that it is ok to be aware of my anxiety I just tried to hide it because I just thought it was bad I guess. But it’s not it is who I am and I just need to work on myself everyday and take away the toxic things that I can to help reduce it . There are so many people that think it’s just people getting attention and that is absolutely so far from the truth and my opinion there should be more mental help and awareness. It is ok to admit if you have anxiety and own it and try to fix it don’t let it take over your life . It’s a working process one day at a time.
In my last post organization and schedule I did post that I am pretty good with scheduling for my girls but that’s just it right! Everything that is on my schedule is all about my girls. I don’t think that’s a bad thing but I know I definitely lost who I am. Right when I became a mom I went right into mom mode and never thought about me anymore. It was my new normal then when my mom passed and I had another daughter it only got worse. I love being a mom and anyone that knows me knows that’s I have dedicated my life to being a mom but, I kinda want to remember who I was before I had kids. I feel guilty even righting this but it’s how I honestly feel. Does anyone else feel this way ? I don’t even know where I would start or if there is even time to add in for me . It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. But on this journey this year I’m going to try to do something for myself every week even if it’s just a walk by myself I will literally take anything to just unwind and try to find me again! I definitely would love other moms advise going through something like this . Some people think it’s so easy but some people have a lot of family and friends I don’t my village is very small. I’m not trying to have anyone feel bad for me and I can handle things on my own, I always have but finding yourself in itself after having kids and losing your mother is a lot !!!! To those people in my little village that have been there for me through good and bad I thank you so much and am so grateful for you guys in my life . Now let’s start the chapter of finding me again ……….
Mila started cheerleading this past January and has been doing gymnastics for about 3 years but the first two years where at an introduction gym for baby and toddlers. This September will be Milas first year at a more skilled professional gym. Mila is a very shy girl and this year starting school and this new gym she really has come a long way and is growing to such a respectable strong little girl. I wanted to try Mila in this performance cheer they had at her gym so she could have experience with working on a team and some Independence with her friends since she is homeschooled. This was Milas first performance at the UMass Lowell Hockey game and the confidence she had blown her family away. We are so proud and I wanted to share her first performance press the link above Enjoy !!!!
I am a very organized person and I think I might have a little OCD with cleaning ! I just feel better and I have less anxiety if my house is clean and I know where everything is. Well having 2 children a husband and some pets it’s not that easy. When I have my organization and schedule I can break it down and be able to get everything done ✅. I also have been trying to teach my daughter this, the oldest one obviously 🙄 but she is 5 and I do get a lot of attitude. but there are days she will surprise me and organize her things and realize something is messy and want it to be clean. So I will take that as a mom win for now hahaha . Everyones life is different and everyone does what’s best for them but for me I have to write things down and then cross it off when I complete it. My husband always calls me ancient but it’s what works for me. I actually have 3 schedules that I go by every single day so I don’t forget anything. The first schedule is Milas school and athletics and I have a calendar in my bedroom showing me when all of my bills are due. I also have dr appt and Milas activities so my husband can see it . I also have another calendar in Milas class room with basically all school and activities things that are going on that month. It’s so hard to be spontaneous and do something at a drop of a hat because I’m such a scheduled person and even more now that Mila is homeschooled and is a busy 5 year old it works great with my girls for them to have the same routine. They know what to expect everyday. And I then know I might get an hour to my self before I have to get everything ready for the next day and one of the girls wake up because god for bid they can both sleep through the night. Does anyone else live by a schedule? What is your routine with or without children to feel like the day was accomplished?
Our daughter Mila started Kindergarden this past September and we decided to have her homeschooled. The reasons we chose homeschooling was because the amount of children in each class room from 24 to 30. There is always that one kid that is interrupting the class and there are just so many different learning styles I think that is why certain children get left behind. We personally don’t think our children need to learn socialization through school. This is just our family’s opinion and I don’t judge other parents for how they made there decision for there children’s schooling it just works for our family and what we believe and have studied up on . I take Milas education very seriously and I know she can conquer anything. I just don’t think she needs any distractions when it comes to her education day she can freely use her learning style and go at her pase of learning with no pressure.
It also was a big decision on my end because I’m the one that chose to stay home Monday through Friday to be Mila’s learning coach and also my husband makes more money right now hahaha !!!! At first I was so nervous but we did our research and chose the school Connection Academy (TECCA). The school and the staff was more than supportive and had so much training to help me feel comfortable on taking on this big role. It was a rough start at first expecially everything being new for Mila and having to learn structure. Like, when it’s play time and when its class time . Also it was all so new for me. Teaching on its own, then having such a tight routine for Mila and on top of that having a new born baby and having the baby on her own schedule!!! What the hell was I thinking hahahahaha !!!!! It’s all for my kids! I just want the best for them and this is how I feel is right. So my mom job will always come first before anything know matter how hard it is for me!!! I am also going to school myself so fitting that in is so hard but I don’t want to forget who I am and want to build something for myself and my family. There is not enough time in the day to get everything done but somehow I try to figure it out . Routine and structure is key, it really helps day by day go smoothly instead of ￼feeling lost and unorganized. Anyone else feel the same way ?
In the menu bar above I have a couple of pages that I also did some introductions but will be posting where to get certain things that I talk about through out my blogs.
If you have read my introductions you now know that I have lost my mom in 2018, had my second daughter in 2019 and also my oldest daughter started Kindergarden which she is homeschooled and I am her learning coach. So a lot of changes in the last 3 years and it has been overwhelming. In it self alone losing my mom is an amount of pain that I can’t describe and wouldn’t wish on anyone. She was my best friend! She also was such an amazing Mimi to my oldest daughter. Mila talks about my mom every single day. Its the most painful happiness every time she talks about her. The emotions are everywhere.
Selena was born in February 2019 and she really was the rainbow at the end of our family storm that we dealt with in 2018. She showed me that there are parts of life that are still beautiful. Having my daughters have really helped me see the good in life after my mom passed. I am still struggling with anxiety but I have been finding things that have helped me keep my mind busy. Lately have been doing some crafty things around my apartment that I would love to share in my future post. Also if anyone is going through the same kind of thing I would love for you to share your story.